Inner Struggle, Pain & Suffering, Beauty for Ashes


As most of you know, I have been dedicating my life towards improving my health physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. God has been doing a lot of healing in my life. He has been showing me past hurts, and helping me not only bring what I was unaware of to the surface, but helping me heal, as well. The LORD is so faithful!

I have been through so many terrible situations, and done horrible things, yet when I ask for His forgiveness, and try to improve, He overwhelms me with His love, and carries my burdens for me that before were too heavy to bear. Jesus has been such a dear friend to me and as I start to seek His presence more instead of just what He can do to me, He draws near to me in return and gives me comfort, strength, courage, and direction.

A lot of you know about my 5 pain conditions including Fibromyalgia, Scoleosis, Degenerative Disk Disease, Degenerative Joint Disease, and Hypermobile Joint Syndrome. You are also aware of how my medication (but mostly inner pain and struggle) caused me to gain a tremendous amount of weight. 

My body started to show on the outside the suffering I was experiencing on the inside. I knew the weight added to my depression and anxiety, but because of the pain, and not believing my worth and identity in Christ, I believed that it was literally impossible for me to lose weight, and that I would be destined to continue to gain, have more bad pain days, and more days being unable to get out of bed.

On Father’s Day of this year, back in the middle of June, my scale told me I weighed 305 pounds. I felt helpless and disgusted, but that day was also the day that I had my breakthrough. In whatever we are dealing with, sometimes it takes reaching the point of 'enough' to fight back. 


Well, 305 was my 'enough' point. I couldn't handle anymore oppression, and my body couldn't handle anymore weight. My spine had become so compressed that everything was painful and my skin even felt like it was burning because of the pressure on my nerves. I knew because of a near lifetime of failed attempts that I couldn't do this on my own, but that it had to be done, so I turned to God and prayed. 

It was time to fight for my life and I knew going in the direction I had been headed wasn't an option. It was time to change. I started reading the Bible daily, and God transformed me from the inside out. I used to see myself as a 600 lb person, so I ate like one, and my weight increased. (the Bible says, “as a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”) 

I started to read about my value and worth, my identity in Christ, and who God says I am. Whenever I was confronted by feelings that didn't match up with His word in the Bible, I would speak the truth out loud. (I have 2 sheets of paper with everything that the Bible says we are typed out, if anyone is interested.) 

I started eating healthier, and five small meals a day (every 2-3 hours). Then came the challenge: God told me to start working out and exercising 5 days a week. At the time, I didn’t have the energy to support sitting in my recliner five days a week, let alone going to the gym. But I don’t live by feelings, I live by faith and obedience to the LORD. 

I reasoned that even though I didn’t think my body could do it, God would not tell me to do something that He had not equipped me for. So I started exercising in faith. Was it more difficult than I thought it would be? Yes. Did it hurt even more than I imagined it would? Yes. There were times when I was fighting for each second of cardio. But I told myself that I am fighting for my life, and would just imagine my newborn niece and 2 & 3 year old nephews cheering me on, saying, "You can do it, 'Auntie Sarah,"so I pushed harder. Many times I was moving by prayer asking God for more strength to sustain me. And you know what, He did.

Through this experience, my faith has greatly been increased. God has shown me he will supply all of my needs for each day in order that I may do what He has asked me to do. I may not have the ability on my own, but the joy of the LORD is my strength.

It has been a little over three months now since I started this journey with Jesus, and I have less pain, I move more easily, I have a greater hunger and thirst for righteousness, and as of today when I showed up to do my weekly Monday weigh in at my sister’s house, her scale said I weighed 272.8 lbs.


I have lost 32.2 lbs in the past three months! I have 122.8 lbs to go, and I expect to be in the 250’s by Christmas. Don’t worry, I’ll post pictures so that you can see less of me. 

I honestly never thought I’d see the 270’s again three months ago. Now I know I won’t, but it’s because I’m breaking through it, instead of it being not achievable. I really can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and you can too.

God loves you and longs to be close to you, you’re precious to Him. The only thing separating you from God is sin. The Bible, God’s Word, says that the wages of sin is death. Since we have all sinned, that means we all deserve to die, because we can never be good enough on our own to be in the presence of a Holy God. Thankfully, because He is also loving, sent His son Jesus to die for you, it doesn’t have to be that way. 

Life does not have to be this difficult or seem empty. All you have to do is pray. Out loud say something like this: “Jesus, I’m sorry for my sins, please forgive me. Thank you for dying for me and paying the price for my sins so that I can go to Heaven when I die. Please come into my life.” If you prayed this prayer, you are forgiven and when God looks at you, instead of your faults, He sees the perfect life of Jesus, who took the punishment of death in your place. 

I encourage you to read your Bible every day, as it renews your mind and transforms you from the inside out. Talk to God about everything (pray). He’s always there, and He is faithful. He’s the best friend you could ever have.

I love you, and so does the LORD! Thank you for reading, may God bless you.

Love in Christ,
Sarah Jean Cobb 
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